17 weeks **w/ picture* !

Today I can't stop thinking about how nearly 3 years ago I found out that I had lost my first pregnancy, and would shortly be having part of my tube removed along with the embryo that implanted inside it. And how with each subsequent year of nothing happening and then having a miscarriage followed by another ectopic in the opposite tube, I began to "accept" my childless future.
I believe it is because of this, I am able to wake up every day so incredibly happy and content. Even on days that I awake sore, or tired from a lack of sleep, or with an upset stomach, I'm still happy.
I guess one could say I'm still a little in shock that IVF worked and we succeeded!

17 Weeks: I can feel baby's little kicks now. Good, solid, unmistakable little kicks and jabs. I mostly feel them in the morning and early afternoon hours and only flutters at night. Hopefully in the next week or so, Barry will be able to feel them too.
There really isn't much to report or complain about. My skin looks and feels fantastic, as do my nails and hair. I think my heat intolerance may be returning after having vanished for the last 3 or 4 weeks, but other than that, I feel great! If it weren't for my protruding belly and occasional movements from baby bear, I wouldn't even believe I was pregnant. Hopefully all of this lasts!
I won't drag this out and will instead leave you with what you came here for. ;)

FAQ **with pics **

Most asked:
When are you due?

My favorite:
Have you felt the baby move yet?
I just love that I can finally answer, 'yes' to this one!!

Funniest:
Does Barry know?
I'm pretty certain this was a joke, but hilarious nonetheless.

Most awkward:
When telling people we went through IVF, and them asking me what IVF is.
I just never really know how to respond this. And where should I begin the story and end it?

Rudest:
(Inevitably after being asked if we know the gender:) Which would you prefer?
Honestly, what kind of question is this?

Today, I don't know if it was the shirt or the bump, but everyone who passed me in the hall at the office, and I mean EVERYONE, noticed my belly and proceeded to ask at least one of the aforementioned questions, or told me I was cute. :) I haven't been able to take my hands and eyes off my little camper today.

THE FIRST THREE KICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let this moment (well, several moments ago) go down in history as having felt the baby's first kicks!
On Tuesday, August 25th, at approximately 8:30am, I began feeling the normal fluttering feelings about an hour after eating my cup of fruit cocktail. And then suddenly, POW!!! a kick!! and then a couple minutes later- POWWWW! A second kick! Even more prominent than the first. I got absolutely no work done for the next 30 minutes or so just staring down at my belly, rubbing it, smiling, taking in every single second and thought of what just occurred, and waiting patiently for it to happen again. I felt a few more flutters and then things quieted down before feeling one last little jab about an hour later.
I'm so happy I could just listen to Christmas music for the rest of the day !

Lets talk baby showers... [rant]

To say I'm overwhelmed would be an understatement. I have about 6 or 7 people wanting to throw me a baby shower that I don't even want anything to do with in the first place. For the few infertiles that may eventually stumble upon this blog, you know how it feels to be invited over and over and over to baby showers, believing that you'll never get to have one of your own. For 3 and half years I struggled with both going to baby showers and finding the strength to politely un-invite myself from them and although I'm finally pregnant, and it's finally time for mine, I want NOTHING to do with it. I completely and wholeheartedly resent them. Some may argue that this day isn't for me and it's selfish of me to try and exclude myself from it, but those are the ones that have no idea the emotional hardships my spouse and I have endured to get this far. And damn it, if I want to do things my way, for once; I'm going to put my foot down and do them my way. Now that I've been backed in to the baby-shower-corner and I'm having one to please everyone else, the whole "you can't plan your own shower" etiquette bullshit is going right out the proverbial window. It will be on the day and hour, at the location that I choose and feel most comfortable with.

There.

Lets see how long this backbone lasts.

Also it's worth noting that I realize baby showers  are a gift the the mother to be, and just because you're pregnant in no way entitles you to one. I am absolutely grateful for the family and friends who are just as excited as we are about our baby and the people who want to shower us baby bear with presents. I don't mean for this post to come off as selfish or cold; I'm just being honest about my feelings. :)

16 week bumpdate with belly pics!

 Time is flying by. I can't believe I'm 16 weeks already!
Not much to report on this week other than the somewhat routine flutters I'm feeling. The only time I ever feel them is after I eat, and I only feel them if I'm being still and paying attention. They are so faint and easily overlooked if I'm busy concentrating on something or moving around.
 I read that I should expect to gain at least 12-14 pounds in the second trimester, or about a pound each week. More or less is fine too, that's just a general guideline. At 14 weeks I was 121 and today I'm at 122.5 which would be a 1.5lb increase. I guess I'm doing alright so far.  I've been extra careful about what I eat lately. About the only time I eat something unhealthy is at night I have a couple cookies or a little ice cream (and my occasional lazy nights where we eat out at chickfila).   Other than that, I've been extremely mindful of eating something that will benefit the baby and myself such as fruits, veggies, whole grains, protein, etc.. I'm hungry A LOT these days and it would be incredibly easy for my to stack on a bunch of useless pounds, but in my opinion, I can eat all the fruits and veggies I want, which luckily, for now anyway, I enjoy eating- so it's a win win. The one and only thing I'm concerned about as far as my body goes is stretch marks. I got a few when on my chest I was around 14 and apparently hit a growth spurt so I know that I'm susceptible to them.. I'm hoping that gaining weight gradually instead of mostly at the end will be beneficial when it comes to the stretch marks.
I'm sleeping really good now. Somehow I managed to figure out a way of positioning myself to where I can still sort of sleep on my belly without mushing things and becoming uncomfortable, but in the mornings when I start tossing and turning, I always find myself on my sides. So that's good.
I haven't had much in the way of "cravings" in a while but I did put two jars of pickles in our shopping cart at the grocery store last night which Barry was pretty amused by.
"What? They're buy one get one free!"

I know we still have plenty of time to do things we need to do around the house, but I feel like it's crunch time. I'm hoping to be completely done with everything by week 28. I feel like that's a pretty reasonable, realistic expectation. This weekend we are removing a window from the side of the house, replacing the framing around it to hopefully fix the leak and then putting the window back in. I hope we don't come across anything else during that project. Once we pay off this project a little bit, in a few weeks, we will fix the den and third bedroom sub floor, and have the carpet replaced. I'd really like to paint the paneling and trim in there too but we'll see how much we end up spending on the floor first. After we get that finished, we can move everything from the computer room, into the den, and start working on the nursery. Those are the three biggest things we need to do BEFORE the baby.  We also need to replace the rotten wood panels and holey screen that enclose our back patio, but that project could wait if it had to.

Dear Baby,

I can feel you! I can really, really feel you.
I know it's you because you wiggle your little self around in there for a good 30 minutes or so after every meal I eat, but mostly lunch and dinner. You feel like tiny little fish darting around in my belly that occasionally bump into me.
I love love love our morning bonding sessions when my bladder is pushing you way, waaaaaaaaay out. I hope you don't mind being poked, stroked, and prodded for the first 10-20 minutes of the day; I just can't help myself.
I absolutely can't wait until I can see your tiny little swooshes and taps from the outside so that your Daddy can feel you move too. Last night, I finally summoned the nerve to tell him I've been feeling you for the last couple of days. He was so happy, practically speechless. He loves you so, so much.

15.5 weeks *with bump pics!*

I am 109 days pregnant... But who is counting?

Lets see..
I have been having some really bizarre dreams this week.
I've been a little more hormonal than normal and can cry at the drop of a dime.
I finally bought some maternity jeans, which are the comfiest thing on the planet. {Seriously, if people only knew. I can eat and eat and eat and my pants never get any tighter!}
Barry openly noticed and rubbed my belly for the first time this week. Which he claims was not his first time, but I'm claiming otherwise. It was the sweetest thing that's happened yet. In fact, I even teared up a little.
Pregnancy brain is in full swing. I can hardly carry on a conversation because I can't think of the simplest of word to complete my sentence. It's sad.. Really.  Barry and I were in Sears on Saturday and he was in the middle of telling me why we needed a certain tool for an upcoming project and mid way through, I forgot what project he was talking about. I politely let him finish and then admitted that I had, at some point lost what were were talking about. He blankly stared at me  for a moment, probably thinking I was kidding, and then said, "the window babe. We have to replace the window framing ." 
Me, "oh yeah! the window."
I'm almost certain I felt flutters again last night just under my belly button and again this morning around the same spot. It almost feels like popcorn popping in my belly and lightly tapping my belly as it pops. I would gladly pass this off as gas, but because I've felt it on 3 occasions and it doesn't feel like any gas I've ever had, I'm starting to wonder if it's the baby I'm feeling :) Everything I've read said its common to feel the first flutters by weeks 15-16 and definitive kicks and movements by weeks 18-20. I'm still afraid to mention it to Barry. I don't want him to feel left a out for the next month until he can feel movement from the outside.

Here are some bump photos :)

15 weeks 0 days. 

15 weeks 2 days.

15 week 3 days

not holding my breath but...

I'm quite frankly a little embarrassed to even admit this because if it were me, I wouldn't believe someone else who was only 15 weeks pregnant but....

I think I just felt a few flutters.

Which was probably gas.. but it was unlike any gas I've ever felt. It was so faint, and so.. I don't know.. light? It was like a few tiny little taps and then it was over for a few moments and then I felt it again. about an inch or so under and just to the right of my belly button.

Perhaps it was the Orange juice I just drank.

Or perhaps it's all in my head.
Either way, I figured I'd post about it.. since I'm damn sure not telling anyone about it this early!

14 weeks, 2 days MORNING BUMP PHOTO!

I finally woke up with a real bump to show you! I've been waiting weeks for this as a lot of girls begin to experience it around 12 weeks. The reason it's so high up in my abdomen is because my very full bladder is pushing it up and out. I've been getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom for the last few weeks too, so maybe that's why it has taken so long to make it's debut. It was so amazing rubbing it and poking it and feeling so unbelievably close to little baby bear!!! I was so excited, that I woke up Barry to gaze at it with me.

"There's piss in my hair!!"

So, at every doctor appointment, they make me pee in a cup to check it for glucose, nitrate, protein, blood, and leukocyte esterase. This morning I entered the restroom, grabbed a specimen cup from the drawer, and wrote my name on it with the sharpie they so thoughtfully provide for you. Steady, Aim, Fire. After enough specimen was produced, I set the cup on the metal feminine disposal box, finished up, and flushed the toilet. I grabbed the cup and lid and prepared to seal my deal when all of a sudden, the lid slipped out of my butterfingers and rolled across the length of the bathroom, coming to rest under the sink. Holding the cup of urine in one hand, I bent over and picked up the lid from under the sink with my other hand. Temporarily forgetting about the unforgiving porcelain sink above me, I stood up with average force, knocked the top-side of my head against the basin, and sloshed a few drops of urine onto the floor.
"OWWW," I whispered.  I sealed the lid, placed the cup in the window as I was told, wiped the floor, and began to wash my hands when I noticed in the mirror that my hair was damp. It quickly hit me.. There was piss in my hair!!
I couldn't even be mad. All I could think was if someone else was there with me in that bathroom and had witnessed all of that, we'd both be rolling around on the floor, dying laughing.
I dried my hair, flipped it back, touched up my lip gloss, and left the bathroom; as right at rain.

That's how I roll.
Sometimes. :)

14 weeks bumpdate!

Today officially makes me 14 weeks pregnant. The last few nights I've laid incredibly still in bed and tried to pay very close attention to any sensations in my belly, but still nothing. Maybe in the next couple of weeks.
My pregnancy app on my phone says that now is about the time I'll start getting my energy back and feeling less hormonal and nauseous which has actually been the case for the last several days. Other than the occasional aches and cramps in my belly from time to time, and OH! Not being able to sleep on my belly anymore as of 2 nights ago... Let me tell you what.. I'm a belly sleeper, always have been. HOWEVER, in the mornings, I find myself tossing and turning from side to side and not sleeping on my belly at all. So basically, I just use my belly to FALL ASLEEP on more or less. So a few nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with sharp pains and aches in my lower stomach, but when I'll rolled over on my side it went away. It took me FOREVER to fall asleep and I couldn't stay asleep for anything that night. The next night, same exact thing as well as last night. So I guess my nights of stomach sleeping are over. Hopefully it doesn't take too long to get acquainted with falling asleep on my side. So far my brain is having a major issue with it and doesn't want to shut down at night unless I'm on my stomach. I've read though, that body pillows are nice because they feel like your sleeping on your stomach.
ALL I WANT IS A GOOD NIGHTS' SLEEP!!!!!!
But back to what I was saying: I've been feeling great lately. Truth be told, I don't even really feel pregnant anymore now that the "morning" sickness is gone. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but it just makes me want to feel those little kicks and jabs that much more, to know that everything is going well. Thankfully I bought that Doppler a couple weeks ago and I have that for peace of mind every single night before bed.
That's about it in my little world.
My Mom and Aunt have so graciously donated their time and money looking for maternity clothes for me at consignment shops. And my friend, who now lives in Pensacola where her husband is stationed, is sending me her entire Maternity clothes lot as soon as she has her baby in about 6 weeks. The generosity that people have shown us recently is very humbling and it often makes me stop and think how lucky we are to be in the position we are with the baby and with the many people who care about us and love us. OH GOSH.. my hormones are starting to come out so I'm going to end this here before those faucets get turned on at work and then people find out I'm blogging on company time.
:)
Until next week...

13 Weeks Pregnant w/ BELLY PROGRESSION PICS!

I'm skipping the weekly baby updates from now on and just doing a "generalized" update instead.
For starters check out this belly!!!!!

 The top picture was taken at 7 weeks and the bottom is at 13w2d. Looks pretty cute the in the picture even though in real life it just looks like flub. hah! Good bye size 1's. Barry asked me the other day if he could buy himself something- {what; I can't recall} but I answered him with this: "you can buy anything you want as long as I can get some preggo pants soon."

After our 13 week ultrasound we decided to go public with our very exciting news and I'm pleased to announce, it's officially Facebook [and Instagram] official! I have to admit that I had major butterflies shortly after posting it on fb but the amount of love and warmth we received from family and friends was overwhelming spectacular! I could have never even imagined the amount of comments and likes our video of Baby Bear got. I'm humbled to my core.