8 weeks pregnant. (EDITED TO ADD PICS***)

5ab is the size of a raspberry this week.
Naturally, I've been keeping his corresponding fruit around the house so that I can hold it in my hand to get an up close and personal feel for how big he's growing. This morning I put the raspberry in Barry's hand and he couldn't believe it- he was totally blown away!

5ab's Development:
His tail is about gone as he exits the embryonic stage and enters the fetal stage by the end of week 8. He's growing about 1mm a day and the amniotic fluid in my womb is increasing by two tablespoons a week to accommodate him. By now, my blood volume has already increased by 40%. His tiny little fingers and toes have formed but will remain webbed for the next couple of weeks. His facial features are becoming more refined with his ears, lips, and the teeny tip of his nose all clearly visible now.
 Fun fact: All of his joints have formed and he's already moving his little arms and legs like crazy! Also, his taste buds are forming this week.

How's Momma?
Exactly the same. I still feel sick off and on all day long. Last night, for the very first time yet, I woke up sick in the middle of the night.  I'm thinking it had something to do with my stomach being empty (?) so I'm going to start keeping a bottle of water and some crackers near the bed. It definitely wasn't pleasant and made it pretty difficult to fall back asleep. I considered sleeping on the floor in the bathroom and probably would have if I'd have had enough energy to get up and walk there. Fortunately, besides last night, my nausea, has been "mild" lately, as in I haven't felt "pukey," just sick feeling. And I feel like a lot of things I use to love, now make me want to vomit. I also foresee all meat coming off of my menu pretty soon as I'm developing an aversion to almost all of it. It is so weird to be so hungry all of the time and have an appetite for absolutely nothing. And to be at the grocery store shopping and getting only food that sound edible and maybe even half way enjoyable and about 80% of the things I bought end being the exact opposite.
Other than that I'm also still really tired. Utter exhaustion set in at about 3 or 4 in the afternoon every day and by 5:30-6 I'm usually napping.
I'm also still extremely intolerant to the heat. The last week or so I've noticed that within minutes of being outside in this marvelous 95-100 degrees Florida heat my face turns beat red and I break out in a heat rash in certain areas of my body. My eyes get glassy too and I feel and look generally unwell. Hopefully this is just a side effect of the progesterone and it will become easier after week 11 when I get to stop taking it seeing as how we are only into our first real month of summer and have about 3 more to go. With that being said, I'm already thanking God for my sweet winter baby and my last trimester of pregnancy being in the colder months. Plus I get to be pregnant during Christmas. My heart gets completely full and joyful anyways from about Oct- Dec so I can't imagine the feelings this years will bring.

I WON THE LOTTERY!!!

Not really... But I feel like it every single day that I wake up still pregnant.
How is this even real life?

7w3d Ultrasound and Graduation

5ab nearly tripled in size from last week and now measures 1.06cm!! I still don't know his hearts' exact beats per minute as Dr. Winslow believes that the Doppler can have a negative effect on babies this early so I'll have to wait until my next ultrasound with my normal OB for that. And with that being said, we officially graduated from The FIRM today! It's very bittersweet because on one hand, I'm so thankful for everything he and his staff have done for us and I really enjoyed our weekly photo shoots with 5ab, but on the other hand, now my health insurance will kick in which will be a huge financial burden lifted. I still need to purchase 1 and half more weeks of Crinone and 1 or 2 more bottles of Estrace ( I can't remember ). But after that we will be all done with paying for stuff out of pocket!!! PRAISE THE LORD!
Oh yea, and the FIRM gave a bag of goodies today!! How nice are they?! When we were waiting for the elevator, Barry started digging through it and pulled out a tiny little white newborn sized onesie that said  I Love the FIRM."
OMG!! I could have died. Even after the wonderful ultrasounds this morning and last week, Barry pulling out that onesie and holding it up was the exact moment that all of this sank in and became real to me. As we entered the elevator, I told Barry that eventually we'd have something that actually fit in that onesie and judging by the look on his face and the deep breathe he took, I'd say that was probably the moment it sank in for him as well. haha!!

Here is a picture of 5ab from exactly a week ago so you can see the size difference!

7 weeks down (EDITED TO ADD PICS**)

Baby's 7 week update :

5ab has yet again doubled in size from week 6 and is now the size of a blueberry and should be measuring roughly 1 centimeter :) His entire skeleton is fully formed but remains soft and pliable under his parchment thin skin.  Lids now cover his already slightly colored eyes and his facial features and are becoming more human-like. He even has a little tongue! His arms and legs are getting longer and are beginning to segment into future fingers and toes! His tooth buds will also begin forming this week as well as his pancreas, appendix and his permanent set of kidneys; he's been through 3 sets already!! I have officially began transferring nourishment and oxygen to our little squid via the umbilical cord.
Also, fun fact: 5ab's brain is producing about 100 new brain cells every single minute of the day!

How's Mama? :
SICK! Today, actually his been the worst yet. I haven't actually gotten sick today but I've been nauseated since before I even got out of bed. I keep thinking that I might feel better if I just force myself to get sick and get it out of my system. But then I remember that this isn't just a "bug" that needs to run it's course. It's my hormones that aren't going to let up just because I go into the bathroom and gag myself.  So I'll just sit here and smile at the fact that I'm still pregnant. In all honesty I appreciate the times that I'm nauseous because it lets me know things are still progressing like they should. I don't have a "bump" yet and probably won't for many, many more weeks, so in the meantime my "symptoms" are the only things keeping me occupied and calm.  Other than the all-day nausea, I'm sleepy; so, so sleepy! My favorite time part of the day is going home after work and taking my 1-2 hour nap. I may even start taking a cat nap during my lunch break just buy myself a little bit more energy for the drive home. The tiredness and sleepiness is not even something I thought was real. I guess that's what I get for secretly thinking pregnant women were just being lazy bitches and using pregnancy as an excuse to sleep instead of being productive.

Also- I still can't believe that this is real life.
Barry put our ultrasound photos on the fridge yesterday and I can't even describe how full my heart was seeing them this morning.

Houston, we have a heartbeat!

Here he is!! Little 5ab's debut! Measuring EXACTLY where he should be at 0.404cm from crown to rump with a fast, strong heartbeat.

I couldn't be more proud of what we've made and how far we've come. It's been about 5 hours since seeing him on the screen this morning and I still don't think I've fully absorbed  it all yet although I'm feeling a lot more excited now and much more hopeful and confident that things will work out.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE HAS A HEARTBEAT!!!!! 5AB IS LIVING IN ME!!!! LIKE, HE'S ACTUALLY ALIVE IN THERE! It's so crazy.
 We have another week until our next scan which will be at 7w3d, which will put 5ab double the size he is now! In the mean time Dr. Winslow wanted me to keep taking it easy and keep taking my Progesterone for 4 more weeks and Estrogen for the next 3 weeks. After that, my placenta should be fully formed and have taken over responsibility for sustaining my hormone levels and nourishing baby. I'll also be monitoring my blood pressure and heart rate since today at the doctor's office it was 150/99 and a pulse of 120. As nervous as I was and with having White Coat Syndrome,  I know they'll only let me use that excuse so many times before they will want to run tests to make sure nothing else is going on.
Oh, also the said the tiny bit of spotting I've had lately is more than likely just the Crinone aggravating things in there and it's not really anything to worry about unless I start bleeding heavily.


I CAN NOT BELIEVE I'M PREGNANT!!

6 weeks PREGNANT!

And it still feels unbelievable! No, like, really. I still don't fully believe it!

I know I speak for a lot of woman who have experienced pregnancy loss when I say that going to the bathroom is still a bit scary. Yes, every single time. Every time I go, I expect to stand up and see a bowl full of red and for the past 2 weeks, every single time I wipe I stare at the tissue for no less than 60 seconds, examining it for any trace of blood. Monday, it finally happened. I went to the bathroom, wiped, examined, and saw the tiniest little smear of pink on the paper. Oddly though, I didn't feel fear, or worry, or much of anything really. I just finished up, washed my hands and called the doctor when I returned to my office. She explained that spotting is as normal in early pregnancy as morning sickness and said that they wouldn't even bring me in for a scan unless I was full on bleeding. She said as long as I wasn't have any cramps with it, I was fine and just to go home every night and take it easy for the next week until the ultrasound. She did however, agree to let me come in for more blood work to ease my mind. The following day she called but before she read me my results she explained that given how far along I am and based off of what my last numbers were almost a week ago, my new number needed to be around 5,100. She then told me mine:
 7,442!!!!

OMG!!!!! Our little 5ab is kickin ass in there!! I'm so proud of my little pomegranate seed! Oh yea, so on to my 6 week update!

5ab is the size of a POMEGRANATE SEED!!! 

He has tripled in size from last week and now has a 4 chambered heart that is pumping at around 150 beats per minute! He's about to start sprouting his little nose, eyes, ears, and cheeks, and he might even be wiggling his little hand and feet buds already too! His kidneys, lungs, and liver are in place as well but still have a lot of developing to do.

Mama:

Nausea is becoming more frequent and stronger. I was close to getting sick twice during a movie last night and also nearly lost it while brushing my teeth this morning and after eating my banana for breakfast.  My sniffer has become that of a bloodhound and more times than not, is responsible for my upset stomach. Weight Gain: 0. If anything, I've lost the weight that I put on during IVF; not on purpose though. I guess it's just from eating this healthy. With that being said, I'm still very bloated and I've already "out grown" most of my jeans. Luckily some genius, at some point, came up the rubber band trick which has been keeping my jeans closed all week since I can't button most of them anymore. ;)

emotions and mid-day sickness.

Well.
It happened..
Stomach-1 | Peaches and Oatmeal-0
Technically I guess it was more of an exaggerated upchuck, which ultimately led to puking.. but it still totally counts.

Moving right along...
 Today has been  rough.
I have pretty much convinced myself that I'm no longer pregnant or that if I am, it's another ectopic. I've been so upset about this that it's hard to even be at work right now. The more and more I ponder though, the more I realize that these feelings were brought on for a certain reason which makes me feel a little more sane. At least I'm not pulling this shit from thin air.
I feel like the more people that we tell the more apprehensive I become.
Before anything I say becomes misconstrued, know this: I am excited. I am very excited, beyond excited! But in my own cautiously, reserved way.
Part of this still doesn't feel real to me and I still haven't allowed myself to get attached until I've seen it with my own eyes and been told that things are perfectly swell in my uterus. ONLY then will I feel safely confident about getting attached to this pregnancy and the idea of actually meeting 5ab one day. When we tell people though, their level of excitement is silly to me and the idea of wanting to tell us 'congratulations' and wanting to celebrate the news all just feels pretend; like everyone is just acting.
I know that Barry is super excited and he believes that since we've spent this amount of money on it and it "seems" to have worked so far, he doesn't really mind telling people. But I sort of wish the only people who knew anything were just our parents. I'm not ready for other people to know. I haven't even full accepted it myself. And it freaking KILLS me when someone does find out and then they start talking about names, and baby showers and blah blah blah!! I'm like, "can't we just make it through this week, please?"
I'm not trying to be doom and gloom, I'm just being realistic.
Like I said, I'm excited! But I'd be more excited if not so many people knew already. It's hard to be openly excited as it is and now when people talk about it, it just makes me anxious and pissed off at their naivety.

Second Beta results are in!

648!!!!!
That's a doubling rate of 39.5 hours!

Little 5ab is a fighter!


now for the bad news..
No more blood work or appointments until June 15th. That's a whole 11 days away! :(
Also was charged $75 for blood work today. NOT COOL. I remember them saying in the beginning that pregnancy monitoring appointments would be around $500 but I'm hoping I heard or am remembering that part wrong. Not sure how I'm going to come up with five hundred expendable dollars in the next 11 days....
We're already spending an extra $675 a month in medicine just keeping little 5ab alive.
OH IVF. HOW I LOVE-HATE YOU RIGHT NOW.

Tomorrow will be 5 weeks!!!

How is it possible that I'm even able to type those words?!

I was going to just wait until later today or tomorrow to post, once I know what my second beta is, but the suspense is killing me and my work isn't keeping my mind nearly busy enough, so I figured I'd blog about it :)


How's baby?
At 5 weeks, little 5ab is of measurable size. In fact, believe it or not, he's the size of a peppercorn. A freaking peppercorn y'all!! Last week he was only the size of a poppy seed, so his growth in only 7 days is furiously quick! Right now, he doesn't look like much more than a tadpole, but he's already starting to form major organs (heart, stomach, liver, kidney) and systems (digestive, circulatory, nervous).

How's Mom?
My beta's came back on Monday at 278 which is a really great, solid, first number. It needed to be over 50 and most of what I read online was to expect it around 100-300. Naturally, I nearly lost it when the nurse said 278! I should be hearing back any minute now about my second beta from this morning. Typically they want a doubling rate of 48 hours, meaning today it should be about 560. However that's just a general guideline. It's not uncommon to have doubling rates any where from 29-56 hours so anything between 500-875 would be considered normal. As far as "symptoms" go, I still think it's still early for anything major but I have had some off and on dizziness, fatigue, and as of this morning, nausea! Like, not just gaggy feelings about certain things, but actual PUKEY feelings.
And I'm very excited about it!
for now.