2dp5dt

       2 days post transfer and I feel like it’s been a lifetime already. I’ve been over thinking and over analyzing every little cramp and twinge since last night. I’m trying to remain strong and not take a home pregnancy test because I know if I do, it’ll be negative this early on and if it’s negative it will inevitably and undoubtedly KILL me. Hopefully I can remain strong and resist the urge throughout the weekend. 

       Currently, my “symptoms” are: crampy off and on, with painful pinchy type feelings directly behind my public bone, which I had with Elle, so naturally, I’m extremely hopeful and happy about! And I still have a VERY sore Chest which at this point is probably just related to the Progesterone Medication. I’m also feeling more tired than normal but again, it’s probably medication related. 

       I still feel incredibly hopeful and positive! I just wish it were time to take a test! I’m ready to pee on a freaking stick already! 

1dp5dt

       Today is day past  day transferrr!!!

We arrived at the hospital a little early yesterday, thankfully, because we ended up driving around in the parking garage for 10 minutes before we finally gave up and just drove all the way to the top and parked!

        The procedure was scheduled for 12 but they asked that I arrive at 11 so they’d have plenty of time to fill my badder via IV since I couldn’t eat or drink anything on account of the anesthesia. They ended up not even calling me back until 11:20 so of course while I was worrying the whole time in the waiting room and as I laid there as they filled up my “bone dry” bladder. Finally I told the nurse that I was worried my little embryo was just sitting in the medium becoming weaker and weaker but I was told that wasn't the case at all and that it was fine and not to worry. It was such a humbling feeling knowing my embryo was just on the other side of the wall ❤️

       Finally, at around 12:30, I was taken back to the surgical room. I laid up on the bed and put my legs up in the leg holder things. They kept me covered the entire time until just before I slipped off to sleep. The last thing I said was , “good luck, Dr. Winslow!” I was out before I even heard his response. Lol!

       When I awoke, they told me the transfer went perfectly and that my little embryo had actually grown from a 4BB to a 5BB!!! I was so happy and proud to hear that! I laid in the bed thanking God for finally making this happen and told my embryo to get nice and comfy in there and that I would continue to give them a warm, safe, and happy home for the next 8 months. 

       Afterwards, I got the Chipotle Carnitas Bowl I was promised and then went home and slept off and on the couch for the remainder of the day. I had planned on getting up and being a little more active to keep my blood moving and pumping but I was so exhausted and couldn’t keep my eyes open at all! 

       Today I've felt a few little cramps and pulling-type sensations here and there but all hardly noticeable. Honestly, my heart is so full at just the thought of having our little embryo on board. ❤️❤️

I'm wearing my rainbow socks again today for good luck. 

Barry busted me in the closet...

         Okay, so it's officially the day before our transfer and I'M FREAKING OUT! I'm so excited that I get my baby on board tomorrow. I feel like I have been mentally preparing for this moment for almost a year and now that it's here I don't even know what to do with myself, 
         It feels strange typing this- almost as if the failed transfer never happened, as doubt never really crossed my mind at that time either. But that was a strange time. Covid still felt relatively new, Barry was severly unhappy about his job and we just talked about it daily. I just didn't feel right about that transfer from the very start so I'm happy and feel very blessed to feel empowered and positive this cycle. Its refreshing, ya know?

        So, back to why you're really here. Barry busted me... in the closet last night.... 

PRAYING! 

        After a particularly difficult night, shortly after hearing about the passing of our friend, I went into out master bedroom closet while Barry was giving Elle a bath, I closed the door behind me, dropped to the floor and prayed so hard for our friend's mourning wife and family and asked Him for help getting me thought it as well, without sacrificing my mental and physical well-being right before our transfer. I sobbed and prayed and sobbed some more. I finally allowed myself to grieve the way I knew I needed. Really, it was involuntary but I didn't stop it from happening; I just rode the wave. A few minutes later, I dried things up, washed my face, and felt completely restored almost immediately after. Honestly, it was the first time I had prayed in a while but that night I felt like had no where else to turn. I was completely beside myself with anxiety and anguish. Since that night, I've decided that the closet is my new sacred, quiet place. So while Barry was occupied bathing Elle last night, I proceeded to that said hallowed space. Where I could have those few hushed, uninterrupted moments.  That is... until he walked out into the living room looking for something and didn't see me. After he finally found me holed up in the closet, he told me he thought'd I'd been taken in the rapture. HAHAHA!!!😂
 Nope.. just hiding out, talking to Jesus. NBD.

          The few people that we have told keep texting and asking how I'm feeling.  
The side effects of the medications I'm taking are that of early pregnancy systems, believe it or not: So far the only side effect I'm experiencing is being bloated, tired, and a very sensitive, sore chest. Aside from that, I'm doing just peachy! Again, just very hopeful and excited to get my baby back tomorrow!!!

That luscious lining though!

       So, today was my first monitoring visit for this cycle and it went AMAZING!!

(For anyone that happens upon this post while searching fertility diets, and want to see what I've been doing- I'll post my diet at the end)

Okay, I so went in this morning for blood work and lining check andddd.... (drum roll please..)

10 mm and Triple Stripe!!!

 I could not even. 

       Now, in the grand scheme of things, I know some women a have lining as thick as 12, 13, up to 16 milometers in UNMEDIATED cycles... And to those women, my hat is off to you. My measly 10 mm lining is probably pretty unworthy of writing about, but considering everything my poor uterus just underwent AND my sad little 7mm lining at my last transfer attempt- I am MEGA excited- THRILLED for my 10mm lining this go around!! When that number left the Doctor's lips my entire body and soul breathed a satisfying sigh of relief. I've already been feeling immensely positive about this cycle and I feel like that number completely validated my feelings. With that said, I've also been [understandably] concerned about my uterus in general as well as the lining; thinking, "how could it possible heal that quickly after the surgery and rebuild that quickly?" My nurse told me though, that the Estrogen would help to heal it and grow that lining quickly. As I mentioned, my previous attempted transfer, my lining only made it to 7mm and I've read about women at other centers having their cycles canceled if their lining wasn't at least 8 and 9 so my number last time had me incredibly worried. I'll have to go back and check, but I believe my very first (successful) transfer, my lining was 11 at the time of transfer, So since I still have a week to go, I''m sure I'll reach and possibly even surpass that.

       Things I've been eating : Brazil Nuts/ Dark Chocolate.
Brazil Nuts is a food that contain the highest amount of Selenium on the planet. This mineral helps to thicken the Uterine wall which in can encourage implantation of the embryo. Additionally Selenium is a mild anticoagulant, which can increase blood flow to the uterus.  And the Dark chocolate honestly, for me just makes the Brazil nuts edible because I eat them both in the same bite! LOL) but also it's contains a lot of antioxidants.

       I've also been drinking at least one Red drink or Green drink daily.
Red Drinks to beef up the uterine lining improve blood flow and the Green Drink to clean up the free radicals and even out my pH balance.

Red Drinks consist of
8 oz Water
8 oz 100% Pom Juice
2 raw Beets
1 Avocado
1 handful each of Strawberries, Blueberries, Spinach, and fresh Pineapple.

Green Drink:
16 oz Water
1 Avocado
Pineapple
Spinach
Lemon Juice

On friday, we begin Endometrin and PIO shots so I'll check back in at that time.

Crushed

       Today has been a difficult day. Easily one of the hardest in several years. I awoke to learn a very sweet friend had past unexpectedly and very tragically the night before in the presence of his wife and mother in law. Though we weren’t extremely close- he was the type of person that you could call in the middle of the night for absolutely anything and he’d be there. If you invited him- he’d be the first to RSVP. If you got hurt, he’d be the first to laugh at you as he was helping you off the ground, asking you for the rest of the night if you were okay while telling all the late comers to the party what a magnificent fall you took. (All of these were things actually did!) The type of person that made you feel like the most important person in the room when he saw you, especially if it had been awhile since your last visit. Of all of the people I’ve ever known in my life, he was One of the best. One of the nicest, generous, kindest, most genuine. . 

       With everything going on and being mid- transfer cycle, I feel like I’m somehow trying to postpone my grieving so that is doesn’t have a negative impact on anything and  I feel selfish and foolish.   Historically,  when I learn of a death, it takes me a couple of days, sometime even weeks to truly and fully process it to actually begin the grieving cycle. But when I was told  of the traumatic and tragic ending of his life, the weight of it was almost instant. 

       I’m not sure where I’m going with this or why I’m sharing it in my fertility blog. It’s just so fucking heartbreaking. 

New News

Let me first start out by saying that I cannot believe, for someone that enjoys writing as much as I do, it's been 4 and a half years since I've updated this blog!

      It's July 17th, today, and so much has happened this year already. For starters... The Pandemic! A freaking global Pandemic that is STILL getting worse and infecting and killing hundreds by the day. Also, the BLM Movement. But most importantly, at least in my little world: IVF 2.0.
      In September of 2019, Barry and I finally decided that in a few short months, we'd be as prepared as we were ever going to be to try for our second Embryo. In January 2020, we met with Dr Duffy and formulated a plan of attack. In March, I started birth control and went in for my first monitoring appointment where I had some blood work done and a "Mock transfer." Following this appointment, I was told everything was great was allowed to proceed. A week later, the entire universe flipped on it's head and Covid-19 reared it's ugly face in the United States. The entire country went on lock down and then Barry unexpectedly lost his job. Thankfully, he was blessed with employment less than 24 hours later, but before this happened,  I put a call into the clinic and told them we'd have to cancel the cycle as it just wasn't the right time.
      In April we decided to attempt the transfer again. Once more I started the IVF medications and by May 6th, we were as ready as ever for our little 4BB to be transferred, yet the day ended in heartbreak when we learned that I had (presumptive) Cervical Stenosis. I was told that our Embryo would need to be re-frozen and I'd need to come in for a Cervical Dilation under anesthesia at the clinic. A few weeks later, we tried the dilation which was shockingly unsuccessful. At that time I was refereed to UF Health in Gainesville to undergo the Dilation procedure with a specialist. After waiting a month for my first appointment, I learned during a Hysteroscopy with said specialist in Gainesville, that I did not have cervical stenosis- and as a matter of fact, my cervix was wide open, albeit a little tough to navigate. What was wrong, was a thick wall of scar tissue blocking the entrance to my uterine cavity. A few days after learning this, my surgery was scheduled for July 1st to correct it. Much to surprise, given all of the other wrenches 2020 had thrown at our faces, and the difficulties I had booking every single appointment at UF Health, the surgery was a success. Not only was the doctor able to excise all of the scar tissue and make a clear opening for the transfer catheter, he was also able to suspend my retroflexed uterus so that it would sit in a normal, upright position.

       Presently, I'm on day 7 of my Estradial (Estrogen Hormone Pill) and looking forward to my first monitoring appointment next Wednesday, July 22nd. Tentatively, we are looking at a transfer date of July 29th.. Because of my known history of "difficult transfers" this one will be under anesthesia.

       I know this blog is much more lackluster than normal. It feels too chronological and forced, almost like it needs to be laid out in a series of bullet points instead of sentences. But it's hard shoving almost 10 months of events and emotions into 1 comprehensible paragraph. Now that I'm caught up, the following posts should be more in tune with the typical type of blog posts.