emotions and mid-day sickness.

Well.
It happened..
Stomach-1 | Peaches and Oatmeal-0
Technically I guess it was more of an exaggerated upchuck, which ultimately led to puking.. but it still totally counts.

Moving right along...
 Today has been  rough.
I have pretty much convinced myself that I'm no longer pregnant or that if I am, it's another ectopic. I've been so upset about this that it's hard to even be at work right now. The more and more I ponder though, the more I realize that these feelings were brought on for a certain reason which makes me feel a little more sane. At least I'm not pulling this shit from thin air.
I feel like the more people that we tell the more apprehensive I become.
Before anything I say becomes misconstrued, know this: I am excited. I am very excited, beyond excited! But in my own cautiously, reserved way.
Part of this still doesn't feel real to me and I still haven't allowed myself to get attached until I've seen it with my own eyes and been told that things are perfectly swell in my uterus. ONLY then will I feel safely confident about getting attached to this pregnancy and the idea of actually meeting 5ab one day. When we tell people though, their level of excitement is silly to me and the idea of wanting to tell us 'congratulations' and wanting to celebrate the news all just feels pretend; like everyone is just acting.
I know that Barry is super excited and he believes that since we've spent this amount of money on it and it "seems" to have worked so far, he doesn't really mind telling people. But I sort of wish the only people who knew anything were just our parents. I'm not ready for other people to know. I haven't even full accepted it myself. And it freaking KILLS me when someone does find out and then they start talking about names, and baby showers and blah blah blah!! I'm like, "can't we just make it through this week, please?"
I'm not trying to be doom and gloom, I'm just being realistic.
Like I said, I'm excited! But I'd be more excited if not so many people knew already. It's hard to be openly excited as it is and now when people talk about it, it just makes me anxious and pissed off at their naivety.