Rainy

It's raining outside. And it's cold and windy and dark. 
My favorite weather.
Perfection.

Since 4dpo (the past 8 days) my chest has been sore, I've had more than usual CM and headaches. Last night I even got dizzy and thought I was going to puke. I felt in my heart that this was the month. I wanted to test yesterday but since Barry and I are going to Atlanta this Thursday, I figured I'd wait and test Thursday and that way we could find out while we were on vacation. It was the perfect, thought out plan.

But cycle day 1 began today. A whole 4 days early.
FUCK CD 1.

I just want to cry on my couch all day. Naked under the blanket to the sounds of the rain and wind.
How cliche.
I don't care.



I've never wanted to not want something anymore as bad I don't want to want kids anymore.
I don't want to hurt anymore.
I don't want there to be so much pressure on Barry.  Or myself.   Or in the bedroom.


Cheers to Atlanta.