6 months and 8 cycles later...

          We are going to stop trying to conceive. My period wasn't due until 3/1, this Saturday. Unfortunately, it came a whopping 7 days early on 2/23. I began spotting last Friday a couple of hours before we left to go camping. By midnight, I knew that cycle was over. According to my Fertility Friend chart, I didn't even ovulate last cycle. Perhaps my body was like, "well, we didn't O, so lets just move on and not make her wait the full 2 weeks." which is why I started so early. Or maybe all the wives tales had a total opposite effect on me.
     Wives tale #1 - Drink green tea from cycle day 1 until you ovulate to increase cervical mucus. I never had a problem with small amounts to begin with, but I figured more couldn't hurt so I drank the green tea. It dried me up like the fucking desert. Seriously, it was crazy.
     Wives tale #2 - Drink Pomegranate juice to increase the thickness of your uterine lining. I know this one worked because I have had all heavy days including today which is day 5. The way it's looking, I don't know when this will be over with.
     Wives tale #3 - Divide the core of a pineapple into 5 equal pieces. Eat one section a day for five days after confirmed ovulation to aid in implantion. Pineapple contains Bromelain which is suppose to be a natural blood thinner and  is what helps with implantation. However the core of the pineapple contains the highest concentration, which is why it is said to only eat the core.  To much of this can cause uterine contractions though, so it's important not to intake too much. Perhaps the fact that I was eating the core and the yummy meat was the reason for my early period. Maybe that was just way too much bromelain for my tiny little self to handle. I honestly didn't know until after the fact that you shouldn't eat both the core and the meat. But seriously, the meat is amazing!! I wasn't just going to throw it out! 
          Before that cycle even started I wanted it to be over with because I was tired of trying. I wanted my old life back. So the end of that cycle was by far the easiest of them all, although it was a little upsetting to know that TTC is seriously over- for a while atleast.
I can't say for how long.
          On one hand, I want to at least keep temping so I know my body is doing what it is suppose to be doing. What if I start to not Ovulate anymore? How am I going to know that if I don't temp? If there are problems with my fertility, they need to be addressed. If in another few months, we aren't knocked up, how will I approach my doctor with my concerns if I have no proof that we've been trying to conceive for a year?
         But on the other hand, I'm done with this shit. I'm tired of thinking about it. Dwelling over it.
Obsessing about it. It has become me. Consumed me. And I'm just completely done.
I want to wash my hands completely clean of TTC and move on with my life.
        Hopefully I am able to do that. I have caught myself a few times already, analyzing cramps and counting in my head when I'm suppose to O since I won't allow myself back onto Fertility Friend to find out. I think when you get so far in to the lifestyle, you just become It. I wasn't  even temping for a full 2 months and it's still weird waking up and not sticking the thermometer in my mouth. And not coming into work and hoping on my FF and TheBump.com. It's a hard thing to ignore when you still want it just as bad in your heart, but your mind and body are just fully over it. We will see what happens during the next few months.

 Until then, I will still update the blog once or twice a week. 

This is not   'goodbye,'   it's   'see ya later.'