Things people actually say to me: updated for the 9th and final month!

MONTH 9

person: my friend's sisters, cousin's niece......... just had a baby and that sucker weighed 8lbs4ozs!!!! That was a HUGE baby! Almost 9 pounds!!!! (uhhh..??)  how much did the doctor say your baby weighs right now?

me: roughly 5lbs

person: (looks wide-eyed at my belly) oh there's no way!! They're wrong! It's way heavier than that!! How long do you have left?

me: 4 weeks.

person (again, with the bulging eyes.) How my gosh! They gain about a pound a week in the end! Yours is going to be at least 10 pounds if not more. 

(actually.... They gain about 1/2 pound or a little less in the last 4 weeks.. So by the time she's born she should weigh about 7 pounds... not 10+. Also I'm not sure who told you 8 pounds is heavy for a baby but that's about what most of them weigh when born around the 40th week....)

MONTH 7 & 8

person:  "let me see your belly! Turn sideways." [GASP!!!] "OH MY WORD! When is your due date?"
Me: In about 6 more weeks
person: NO WAY!! you're not going to make it. You're belly looks like it's about to burst.
(yea.. nice of you to notice.)

person: "so how many weeks do you have left?"
me: "about 7."
person: "so wait, you're only seven months?! Are you even going to make it to month nine? Like, your belly and all?"
(well, gee.. lets hope so.. I didn't come all this way for nothing.)

person: Are you gaining weight? You look like you've put on a few pounds. (har.. har.. at least come up with something original.. please.. for entertainments sake..)

person:: You haven't had that baby yet? You look like you're about to pop! (yea, well at least I'm pregnant. What's your excuse?)

person:: you pick out a name yet? me: No. (when really, yes. I just don't care to listen your opinions of it)

person:: You look more fat today than pregnant. (yes.. someone seriously just said this to me.)

person:: Want some ice cream? (this one has been a running joke, to them, since finding out I'm pregnant. I really only found it semi-cute the first time though. And unfortunately, I have to hear it a couple times a week.

person:: *walks into my office* Got any food in here? You're always eatin something! (I'm not ALWAYS eating something. Let me throw some basic anatomy at you. While pregnant, a woman's ever-expanding uterus pushes her organs and stomach up higher and higher which means: A. she's more prone to heartburn and B. she have less and less room in her stomach to store food, so to help with these things, I eat smaller snacks throughout the day instead of three big meals a day. As per my doctors instruction.  And to answer your question: No. You can't have any of my food, f**k head. )

MONTH 6:
person::  What?! You're only 6 months? You still have 3 and half months left?! You're going to be huge!

(first of all... wtf kind of math is that? Second, men of all people, have no business commenting on a women's pregnant belly diameter.)

person::  how do you feel about episiotomies? 

(how is this an appropriate thing to ask someone?)

 person:: Oh!! you gettin' out there.

(well.... I am pregnant and all..)

  

person:: Your belly is so big! Like way bigger than 6 months should be!

(says the pregnancy/child expert whom, oh yea.. has no children...)

person:: sleep while you can because...... (oh yea... because sleep comes so easily for me already..)

 MONTH 4 and 5:

person:: Oh, I see you're getting some pregnancy acne.
(upon seeing the first lonely little zit on my face since starting IVF back in March.. Who the F says that?!)

person::  Did you get morning sickness real bad?
me::  Not real bad, just....
person interrupts:: Yea because you don't get it with your first babies, only with your second baby.
 (Oh! Please, do go on and enlightenment me with this backwoods, redneck, pregnancy philosophy of yours. Surely morning sickness has nothing to do with the sudden rise in Progesterone and Human Chorionic Gonadotropin levels.)

person::  Oh my gosh!!! You got like, waaay huge overnight! 
me::  Thanks??